In 9 days I will be back home. I came onto this trip with expectations-good expectations. I wanted to see You move in my life and the lives of those around me. I wanted to see Your Spirit move. I wanted to see a miracle so I would never doubt You again. I trusted that You would satisfy my desires with good things. (Psalm 103)
Currently, I have no “amazing” stories, I have no revelations, and quite honestly it‘s hard for me to see any clear impact/fruit from my time here.
But, You know my heart more than I do. ~thankfully~
You know why I wanted cool stories and why I had these expectations. I wanted to be able to say my trip was clearly successful/impactful. I wanted to tell people these cool stories and show them how alive You are. I wanted to feel secure in my walk with You. All these things aren’t bad, but they aren’t You and You say;
”Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is jealous, is a Jealous God.” (Exodus 34:14)
Ministry, stories, miracles, making disciples, visible fruit, etc,. These are all great blessings, but they aren’t You! You want my heart and my heart can so easily chase experiences and stories over You. I measure everything I do by stories and whether it was a visibly impactful time. I get easily disappointed and judge my walk with You based off of stories. But You are a Jealous God and you want my full worship.
I am grateful for the way you fight for my heart
For the way you remind me it‘s only You. It’s always been You and it will always be You.
As I look back on my trip I consider it a great trip! Regardless if I leave with stories or visible fruit! I loved Your people and spoke Your truth and thats a privilege in itself! Thank you for Your jealousy and for not letting me find my satisfaction in things that will ultimately disappoint me. Thank you for making following you so simple and I’m sorry for the times I overcomplicate you.
Because of this I’m learning the importance of Intimacy with Jesus. I am learning to not be disappointed in how I think things are going, and to always rejoice for the Lord is dang good!!!
